The first two paragraphs provide a very brief summary of the principles of Change and Acceptance, which I covered in more detail in the last two blogs. So if you prefer, you can jump past them and go right to the principles of the Dialectical Paradigm. Think of any difficult spot in which you find yourself. There may be something you need to say to a friend, but it is difficult or painful to say it. You may be noticing worrisome physical symptoms, you have avoided seeing a doctor due to fear, and things seem to be getting worse. You might be in a job that you hate: your boss or supervisor has a negative attitude about you, you have been unfairly accused of being lazy, the atmosphere at work is demoralizing,and you have put little energy into making the situation better or finding another job. You might be the parent of a teenager engaged in using drugs, he or she denies that there is any problem, and you are convinced that there is. Life brings us one problem to solve after another, some of course much worse than others. We apply principles of the Change Paradigm.
In doing so, we: 1) determine a specific, clear, compelling objective; 2) generate enough force, motivation, commitment, or energy for initiating the pursuit of the objective; 3) ensure sufficient perseverance to get the job done; 4) intelligently assess obstacles, come up with a plan to solve those obstacles, adjusting as you go; and 5) ensure that you have the skills or techniques you need to carry out the tasks at hand. When you apply these five principles to a stubborn problem you will run into brick walls and unforeseen adversaries. You tire, get frustrated or demoralized, lose your way, and feel like giving up. Sometimes when you keep on pushing, you aggravate the situation. At such a point you can pivot to the Acceptance Paradigm to shift perspective, to get relief, and to find your way forward. You may blend the two paradigms, or alternate between them. By engaging the principles of Acceptance, you: 1) allow yourself to wake up to the realities of the present moment, and you fully inhabit that reality; 2) in which you maintain awareness that the present moment is the only moment, one in an ever-changing stream in which everything, no matter how solid it seems, is impermanent; 3) you see, as if from outside yourself, your attachment to certain beliefs, preferences, desires, and expectations, things that are actually not within your control, and you work to let go of those attachments; 4) looking deeply, you see that everything mutually influences everything else, that everything is made up of everything else, that boundaries are conventional beliefs but that looking deeply there are no such things, and there is no such thing as a unique self; and 5) you recognize that everything that is happening at this moment is exactly as it should be, given all moments that have come before. And you relax into the present moment and embrace reality whether you like it or not.
For most problems in daily life, moving through Change and Acceptance principles will give you all you need to find solutions and move on. But the more stubborn problems in life may require dipping into the principles of the Dialectical Paradigm. This is what you need to deal with opposition and life’s dead ends, to adapt to new and unforeseen circumstances, and to improvise when standard things are not working. Dialectical principles arise as part of dialectical philosophy, focusing on how truth evolves and how things change. We can compare it to improvising in jazz, or while dancing.
Dialectical Principles
- Opposition
- Synthesis
- Systemic Thinking
- Transactional Processes
- Flux
The first dialectical principle is that of opposition. We recognize that reality consists of opposing forces. X elicits (–X). While we may not see it at first, the presence of tension, conflict, chaos, and confusion often manifest, and obscure, the presence of two opposing positions or forces. We try to see the opposing sides with clear eyes, try to locate the wisdom or validity on each side. We hesitate to choose which side is correct, and don’t simply accept that they can coexist. We see that the opposing sides create a tension that can evolve into a synthesis of the two sides (next principle). Polarization is not the exception, it is the rule. If we can deeply accept that opposition is to be expected, we can relax into it and maintain clarity, openness, flexibility, and creativity. For instance, when we are stuck in our relationship with our teenager, battling over some limit or rule, and the tension rises, we try to remember that conflict is to be expected, and to try to see the wisdom of both sides.
The second dialectical principle is that of synthesis. Once we have encountered opposition and characterized both sides, we allow the situation to move toward synthesis, which is a new position that brings together the wisdom of both sides. Truth comes into being through the synthesis of both sides, again and again. Faced with polarization, we stay with it and ask ourselves, how can we find the “middle path” that includes both sides? In a mundane example, we are just getting a new puppy in our family and there are strong opposing opinions about what to name the dog. Everyone has a preference and no one likes anyone else’s preference. My wife will have the final say as she was the driving force to get the new puppy, but she wants to handle it dialectically, to the degree possible finding a name that everyone can embrace. We need to brainstorm, adapt, create, listen to each other, and see if we can find our way to the “truth.” The process of synthesis is inclusive, mutually validating, and can be invigorating and innovative.
The third dialectical principle is that of systemic thinking. Essentially, every element (a person, a behavior, an idea, a thing, etc.) is one element within a larger system, a context. An individual is one element within a larger systems–the family, the neighborhood, the society–and the individual contains elements such as organs, tissues, cells, and molecules, all of which are related to each other, to the individual as a whole, to the family, and so on. Any change in any one element will bring about changes in all other interrelated system elements. Changes in a community will change the biochemistry of each individual within it. Changes in one organ (heart, liver, kidney) will change all other organs, the person as a whole, the family, and the community. Thinking systemically about any one element, any conflict, or any behavior, opens up an incredible field of interdependencies, which widens the possibilities for assessment and for intervening to deal with things. Family therapists think systemically when they intervene with one family member in a way that changes others. Thinking systemically opens options, loosens up a rigid process, enhances the process of brainstorming, and can help to arrive at a synthesis between opposing positions.
The fourth dialectical principle focuses our attention on transactional processes. We realize that the identity of any one person is determined, in part, by the nature of transactions with another person or group of people. I.e., For instance, one’s identity does not “stand alone, “ but is determined transactionally. For instance, if I am with you, and you clearly value me, I am likely to feel enhanced. Your input becomes part of my identity. If you criticize or dismiss me, I am more likely to feel ashamed or doubtful about myself, which becomes, for the time being, part of who I am. If you are treated as credible and likeable out in the world but as limited and annoying at home, your identity is, in part, a product of the two different transactions. Once we recognize the nature and potency of transactions for each of us, we may recognize a range of ways to use the transaction to change the other person. Many of DBT’s dialectical strategies work because the transaction is so influential. If I can’t change myself, or change the situation in which I am stuck, perhaps I can change some other transaction, which will then influence me and ultimately change the situation. In future blog posts we will explore ways to do this.
The fifth dialectical principle involves the understanding of flux,. While impermanence (principle of the Acceptance Paradigm) emphasizes the transient nature of everything, flux emphasizes the presence of constant change, of perpetual movement. Every system, every person, every cell of every person, every molecule of every cell, every atom in every molecule, and every subparticle within every atom, is moving all the time. Looking deeply, while something may appear to be stuck, in fact we can realize that every part of every thing is moving at every second. “Stuckness” is an idea, not a reality. This is important, because the perception of stuckness can generate a pervasive feeling of hopelessness. It can be helpful to realize that if you try to change things, things will change, and if you do nothing to change things, things will change. Things cannot not change. A good therapist, aware that movement is constant even when not apparent, engages the patient with tempered optimism, and will intervene to generate or support speed, movement, and flow. And in our personal lives, the recognition of the principle of flux should encourage us to assume change is happening, to generate hope for the future, to counter our delusions that things are stuck, and to engage in movement.
In the prior two blog posts and this one, we have now covered all three paradigms, each bringing 5 principles. It’s a potent vocabulary of possibilities. Beyond that, each principle “flows” into life skills which will become part of this blog over time. Now we are in a position in future posts to apply this vocabulary to difficult situations that result in adversity. To state it simply, we are now ready to consider how to cope with hell, to keep moving if we are in hell, and to find a way out.